| knowing is better than wondering |
[9:17PM & 9-30-06] |
| [ |
mood |
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 contemplative |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Space Between, Dave Matthews Band |
] |
you know when you have one of those days that you just can't stand everyone? it's weird. because i can't stand people for the past month...a month. is that my genes kicking in? my antisocial genes from my parents? or do people just constantly give me something to complain about? i'm not perfect, you aren't either. but don't accentuate your faults with lies and other things that people will find out in the end. people let me down, they always do. it doesn't surprise me, but i still can't say that i'm used to it, persay.
if you think you're cool because you go out all weekend and come home with a monsterous hangover then you can think again. and if you think you're cool because you have a different opinion from everyone else you can think again, because theres bound to be someone, in this large universe, with the same thoughts, and same mind. does it makes you sick? that someone has thought what you have thought about before.
and if you think you're cool because you critisize other people from having different opinions from you, or being into different things, you can suck my dick. my big FAT dick. okay? because i'm so over people telling me that the way i deal with things is useless and also ignorant. i'm also sick of people preaching to me about how i'm pro abortion, how we are killing life. well this planet is getting over populated with bubbleheads, we need some control. keep your daughters indoors. theres nothing wrong with missing a weekend at the commons you guys. what's going to happen? someone going to get into a fight. elco vs some rich kid from chaminade. what the hell do you want from us?
what does everybody want lately? it's like i owe the world something for breathing. it's like everything i do. i owe someone in some way. everyone owes me, everyone owes me an apology. everyone owes me an apology for being so heartless, cold, and selfish. especially when i needed you. apologize once in a while, you are bound to do something wrong anyways. and mean it when you say it. "sorry" shouldn't have to be tossed around the way it is, and "love" shouldn't be tossed around either.
for all those people out there who think they're in love with their boyfriend/girlfriend you don't. you're not in love with whoever you're with right now. YOU'RE NOT. and if you tell me that i don't know what i'm talking about, then WHATEVER. it's your opinion, do what you want with it. if you think that love is getting blown and fingered and having ghonnerea then do that. do what you want, it's your life. you make it, you break it.
i'm done. goodnight.
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| You see right through me |
[8:39AM & 5-8-06] |
| [ |
mood |
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 pissed off |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Woman, Wolfmother |
] |
Ask me what my pet peeve is, and I'll tell you, "I don't really know." But I found out last night what my major pet peeve is. I hate slow people, not mentally retarded or something. Just people who take their time with everything.
People who take an hour just to eat half of their sandwich. People who take an hour just to put their hair up in a ponytail. People who are persistantly "forgetting" to call me regarding projects. Just people who take life, nice and slow. I suppose this is how we should all live, savor every moment. But that's not how I am, and I can't take that, I might as well rip out my hair and stuff it into the nearest toilet before you finish your sandwich, little suzy q. I have a really good friend, who is slow with everything. Everyone knows it, and she KNOWS it bugs me. But it's gotten to the point where she just does it to piss me off.
This is one of my rant entries, the useless lame ones that I probably will end up deleting soon.
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| you're cruel. |
[4:03PM & 2-14-06] |
| [ |
mood |
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 melancholy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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She was only in it for the rain, Rocky Votolato |
] |
it's "i hate dina" day at school. currently, all of my friends are mad at me because i'm upset about something, and they say i'm ruining their valentines day.
you know, for once, i ask for help from someone, and all they do is throw it right back in my face.
and then i realize, i have no true friends.
i have nobody that i can actually say, they'd give up their life for me.
and it's funny because i would give up my life for all of my friends, but they wouldn't.
amazing.
and i had to figure all of this out on valentines day.
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[5:48PM & 9-26-05] |
It seems farther than heaven itself
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| Time makes you bolder, even children get older |
[11:54AM & 6-25-05] |
| [ |
mood |
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 loved |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Landslide, The Smashing Pumpkins |
] |
When I see you now, moving slowly with new life growing inside you, I hope you know how much you meant to me, and how special this year has been. No woman is more blessed than me, and I love you with all my heart
::RECAP ON THIS YEAR:: (some of them are classes, most are people)
- Cross Country--Meeting Morgan Patrick Lyons, one of the greatest guy friends you could ever have. And watching him kick more ass than I do while running. Special talks about "ICING THE FUCKIN' CAKE!" and singing at the top of our lungs..I'll never forget it. When is our special meet with the camel going to happen?
- Religion Class-- Talking to Natasha from across the room, having Mr. Evans threaten me to be kicked out (uh-oh). Sitting next to Melissa & Ryan and basically laughing at anything and everything.
- P.E. Class-- Is it time for Mariah Carey again? Krista, Kim, Melissa, Ashlayy, Ben, and me just sitting down and doing what we do best..SING OUR FUCKING HEARTS OUT! Never ever running, even when Mr. Anderson tells us to get our asses moving. Seeing MP run was so incredibly interesting.
- Percush Cush-- This class served for some bonding time with Kim, Kaitlin, Kayla, Ashlayy, Ben, Christina, Whitney, Lisa (bridgette), and Melissa Always, no matter what, have fun in this class. Even if there are no pop tarts or soda. We had the craziest song to play (original phrase said by Miss Snyder). Also, getting lectured about not having sex in the bathroom because "a baby these days costs a lot and you kids don't know the value of money" was insanely hilarious.
- Language Class-- Constantly making old man Rau angry with Noe was so much fun. Watching him lecture us at the end of the year about "hot pants, and men that were wearing them in the 70s" never gets old.
( PEOPLE )
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| In your honor, I will die tonight |
[10:53PM & 6-17-05] |
| [ |
mood |
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 accomplished |
] |
| [ |
music |
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In your honor, Foo Fighters |
] |
I would write something long and thoughtful, but pictures say a thousand words, right? I didn't take that many pictures at graduation, soo bare with me people.
( Graduation )
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| But your burden... it looks a lot like her |
[11:08AM & 5-14-05] |
| [ |
mood |
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morose |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Love rhymes with hideous car wreck, The Blood Brothers |
] |
But some things never get better
like used cars and bad livers.
So you traded her in for a better looking brand.
One with fake porno tits
a pad lock on her lips
disposable tan
biodegradable hands
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| Beneath the sheets of paper, lies my truth |
[10:04AM & 5-7-05] |
| [ |
mood |
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rejected |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Samson, Regina Spektor |
] |
Life can fool us with many feelings of falseness. For example, love.
Was it love?
Maybe I thought it was love because you could look me straight in the eye and tell me that you loved me. You weren't afraid of me, and my reaction. I wasn't afraid either. I didn't think you were telling lies when you said you loved me.
But now, I'm starting to think that it was a lie. You can't even look me in the eye if we're talking about the weather. I think you're afraid now of what I might say about the past. Maybe the past is all I have left to hold onto, because quite frankly, the present isn't going too well.
Anybody who knew me well enough before you, knew that I was depressed. The smallest things would send me off, rage and anger became part of my everyday routine. But when you came around it was constant smiling, laughing, I eluded happiness. I was too caught up in the moment to realize that reality would have to come back one day. Now that it's back, I'm longing for a dream world that occupied my absent mind.
I know you miss it too, I just don't think you've realized it yet. You have too many girls lusting after you anyways. Am I jealous? No. But you do know that you meant a lot to me, the feeling hasn't changed. You still mean a lot, but I think it's time that I give up because I'm just fighting for a lost cause.
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| I think I thought I saw you try. |
[3:43PM & 4-23-05] |
| [ |
mood |
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bitchy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Loosing my religion, REM |
] |
I honestly do not think that the world is split up into the two categories of good and bad people.
I think, that we are all shit for people. We go off and blast each others brains out every day just to get a point across. But, what is your point? Wouldn't it just be so much easier if you said something, instead of causing the people around you grief? Everything that anybody does these days is out of sheer jealousy, or just to fit in.
Everybody's a hypocrite, including myself. But at least I admit it. What about when your wrong? Some people just have too much pride to admit it, and they don't apologize, at least most of the time. But when they do apologize, they never mean it, and it's those two words, with that sorrowful face and within an instant the person expects you to be happy with them again. I just don't understand how two little words can just fix an entire friendship or relationship.
We're graduating in two months, and the same people that I see every day, for the past three years. Have grown older, and evolved. Some for the better, most for the worst. It's disturbing seeing somebody that you knew so well, change before your eyes over-night. It also makes me sick to know that in a couple years, I'm not going to be friends with half of the people that I knew.
It also bothers me that people actually think that they are better then everybody else because they are insanely smart. If you're going to ask me if I'm in Algebra I, then I DARE YOU to call it dumb math. More then 5 honors students walked up to me and told me that I was "too dumb to even be in dumb math."
Honestly, are the smarter people the victims here, or am I? I think people like that bring it upon themselves for everybody to hate them. Matt White actually LAUGHS at me when I answer questions in Science because he thinks that I'm too dumb to answer anything. I've got news for you mother fucker, I'm just as smart as you. Get over it, just because you have a stable family and an A in Quantum Physics doesn't make you better than anybody else.
People try so hard to be something they're not. When I was younger I used to believe that there was good in everybody. And there was always something to look forward to. But now I doubt to even find GOOD IN ME.
This was a horribly long list of complaints, but I don't care if you read it or not. I'm putting it here so if I actually do find hope in people then I'll look back at this and appreciate what I have.
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| Is that the only point to all this misory? |
[4:12PM & 4-13-05] |
| [ |
mood |
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contemplative |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Legendary, Lou Barlow |
] |
Tell me about certain memmories I had with you...
And I'll respond with the same
xoxo
dina
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|
[3:11PM & 3-30-05] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 giggly |
] |
| [ |
music |
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The Ballad of Michael Valentine, The Killers |
] |
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| I was happier then with no mind-set |
[9:06AM & 3-25-05] |
| [ |
mood |
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nostalgic |
] |
| [ |
music |
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New Slang, The Shins |
] |
I'm looking in on the good life I might be doomed never to find.
Without a trust or flaming fields am I too dumb to refine?
And if you'd 'a took to me like
Well I'd a danced like the queen of the eyesores
And the rest of our lives would 'a fared well.
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| Happy Valentines Day |
[5:45PM & 2-14-05] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
happy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Lola Stars and Stripes, The Stills |
] |
So, I've decided that I am an "in between person" when it comes to Valentines Day...
I think its over-commercialized, but you still get to tell the people you love, you love them. But shouldn't you do that every single day? What makes today any different?
The reason why I like Valentine's day though, is because for the first time, in a really long time, I had a nice one. Although I've partially liked Valentine's Day because it's my Dad's birthday.
I thought a lot today, and I realized that I've come to appreciate the people I love a lot more. I hope they respect me as much as I respect them.
I love you guys soo much, you have no clue.
xoxo
dina
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| Happy 2005 <3 |
[11:27AM & 1-3-05] |
| [ |
mood |
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hopeful |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Kiss Me, Sixpence none the richer |
] |
FRIENDS ONLY.
Comment to be added!
xoxo,
dina
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evrybreathutake's journal
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